Music

“You Fucked a Girl”, “I Kissed a girl” cover

http://catalinagonzalez.com/?viktorleonenko=redes-sociales-conocer-nuevas-personas&bfa=2a Though I was out to myself long before, I didn’t experience my first girl kiss until I left my traditional Mexican Catholic hometown of McAllen, Tx. Leaving home for the first time, I didn’t exactly escape conservatism, just traded it in for something a little more Country. I somehow found myself at an “elite Southern institution” where the Greek system affected the academic schedule.
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Never mind her name. She was an outgoing, quirky, theater type who lived a few doors down from me on the 4th floor of Renke Hall. I don’t remember how we became friends, but we would hang out in the dorms together and catch the occasional dining hall Sunday brunch. There seemed to be some kind of mutual curiosity between us, eventually leading to a hot make-out session in her room.
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The kiss lasted though a good portion of her play list, including ‘California Dreaming’, and we came to a sudden pause. She made me promise not to tell anyone about our liaison right before explaining how she was only making out with me because she didn’t have a man.
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Ouch!
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I’ve learned from more than that occasion that desire does not define identity and identity has the power to stifle desire. Maybe this is why I’m irked by Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl”, in fact it really bothered me (It doesn’t help that she sings another song that begins with “I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf while jacking off listening to Mozart”.)
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I’ve experienced sexual encounters with women that make me feel like their “experimental game”, right before they stop the situation to pick up the cell phone call from their boyfriends.
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Ouch!
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Maybe one day I’ll be able fetishize sleeping with self-identified straight girls and win enough toaster ovens to give them away as weekly contest prizes for my blog. Who knows! Anyway, I came up with my own version of Perry’s song in order to reclaim and come to peace with my first girl kiss and some of my frustrations with identity, the patriarchy and internalized homophobia.
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Disclaimer: In the case I might be read as a labrys-waving-biphobic-dyke, I love women and I love to sleep with people who own and celebrate their sexuality, whatever their sexual identity.
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This is the first time I’ve uploaded a video of me singing and playing the guitar online. Hopefully I’ll do more!